[00:00:00] Hello and welcome back to the podcast. Today. I wanna talk a little bit about what it really means to have it all. Part of why I also have expanded the containers that I work in, I have expanded the lens that I'm working in has come from this shift in my philosophy. Where we really do get to hold one expanded identity that contains all of us.
[00:00:36] Whether that means you're an actor, singer, and dancer. Whether that means you're a performer and an incredible woman, wife, partner. Whether that means you are a creative and a mother. Whether that means you are a creative and also a business owner. Like there are all these different identities that we hold that matter to us deeply.
[00:01:07] And I can say that this resonates with me so much because I think there's been a lot of ways that I've had to give myself permission to want it all. And when you are highly ambitious, highly creative, interested in many things, a lot of my clients use the term multihyphenate. When you have so many diverse passions and you're wanting to show up for all of them fully, I think you can go through a phase where you feel like you're failing at all of them. I know a lot of my clients have said, I think it's if I'm a jack of all trades, I'm a master of none. And I think we have heard this perspective over and over and over again to the point where we stop challenging it and to the point where we agree, well, hey, if I'm gonna be successful, I've gotta go all in. And while I do subscribe to the idea that you have to be all in, you have to be committed, you have to be creating belief before results in order to do that, I also think that we can be doing this from an expanded identity.
[00:02:28] And on my previous podcast I talked about this and like the all-encompassing self-concept. Where instead of being a person who's spinning 10 different plates at all times, trying to keep it up, trying to be present in our relationships, while showing up for auditions, while serving clients, while being a great daughter, while trying to be an amazing mother... it can be really common to feel like we're juggling all the balls. We're trying to keep everything up without dropping something.
[00:03:03] I used to also do this for myself when I would monitor how much time I was spending on certain things. And I would start being very hypervigilant of what percentage of my day or what percentage of my week I was giving to certain parts of my identity. And what shifted is, when I stopped thinking about myself as a person who's trying to do a million different things and measuring if I was succeeding or failing at all of them, to really deciding that I am one person who holds all of this. Like I'm not the person trying to juggle 10 different plates and make 10 different cuisines on one specific night of restaurant service. Like I'm a fusion restaurant. I don't know if that analogy tracks, but it's what came to mind right now. it's like, I'm a person who does all of these things seamlessly instead of feeling like I'm judging myself on how I'm showing up to all of them.
[00:04:17] Now we definitely get to evaluate how things are going in our life and we get to, I think, be very present to when we're dissatisfied with how something is going. Because I think that's like our check engine light, and I think that goes back to the skill sets of being really present, being available to tune in and listen to our needs and hear what needs to be tended to. That skillset goes with you through your entire life.
[00:04:51] And when we start looking at this from the identity level, especially for people who have been in my world for a while, we have to start asking ourself higher quality questions. I say this a lot, but it's like instead of looking at, oh my gosh, I'm doing all of these things, I feel like I am juggling and dropping the ball and disappointing myself, disappointing my goals across all these places, when we expand to the identity level and we start getting curious and intentional about who am I when all of these things are part of me that give me life? When I allow myself to fuel all these parts of my identity, and I stop imagining that they're competing for my attention, then what? Who do I get to become when I am available to all parts of my life without judgment? When I'm available to evaluate and be curious about how I'm spending my time, without constantly seeing it through the lens of not enoughness.
[00:06:04] And I think that shifts when you go from being the person juggling all these balls to the person who just holds all of it, right? When we expand our capacity and our identity to meet the demands of our full life, I think that the entry point is so different and how we meet ourselves in those moments are so different. Because then we can start building the identity of who am I when I hold all of these things? And who am I when I hold all of these things seamlessly? Now I think that holding them seamlessly is very different from being perfect. And I just wanna say that out loud. If like your perfectionist brain is starting to go off and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I can't strive for perfection. Like that's not what we're really talking about here.
[00:07:02] What I'm talking about is who am I when I take myself to the place of creativity and imagination where I really do get to have what I want? And I think so often, especially women, we stop ourselves from even going to that space because we're afraid of burnout. We don't wanna feel like we're failing. We don't wanna disappoint people. We don't wanna feel disappointed, and I think we just don't have enough examples of what's possible because we're told that like we can't have it all. Like that would be nice, but I'm gonna be grateful where I am.
[00:07:50] And in my work and in the last few years, I've been so grateful to have incredible mentors and women in my life who are saying, well, why not? Why not, right? Even if I've never seen it done before, why not be willing to add energy and imagination to a life where I do get to have it all? And I think the important distinction, one that I've been reminding my clients of over and over and over again, is that having it all does not mean doing it all, all of the time. I think that's when women are like running around feeling like they've over committed, like they're trying to do actions to earn worthiness or to be liked or to be useful, helpful to other people in a way that is a detriment. And I think we all know what that feels like.
[00:08:48] And so then that's where the skill sets come in, where in order to have it all we have to clean up those energy leaks, what I call energy leaks. Where we are letting our mind spin about conversations that we had in the past where we're, you know, overthinking about a decision we've really already made, because we're considering someone else's feelings. Where we might be prolonging, taking action or investing in ourselves because we are afraid that we might be viewed as irresponsible. We have all of these really different ways that our fears and our worries show up. That I don't think come from a lack of ability. It's not a lack of possibility or whether we're capable of doing it or not. It's a lack of belief and whether we really are the kind of person that's gonna go for it and succeed.
[00:09:51] And I'll give you an example because this is something that did not change overnight for me, but that I really had to step into when I started holding the dream of being a really successful performer and having a dream marriage while also building a business. Like those pieces of the puzzle didn't all come into frame at once, but it started by me expanding my belief in the fact that it could exist. That I was allowed to be as ambitious as I wanted to be. And I've even had circumstances where in my past relationship, like the audacity to have this bigness, this fullness of my dreams was kind of like, all right, all right, all right, like now you're asking for too much... and it's like, well, wait a second, what if it's not too much? Like, what if it really is not too much?
[00:10:49] And I had to work through that shattering of a limitation that I had been holding myself in because of training, because of perspective, because of how I was kind of brought up in the industry to laser focus. And when I built my business, when I started my business, almost six years ago, I did have the fear that, oh no. What if building this business negatively affects my performing career? What if this business negatively impacts or takes away from my availability to my relationship?
[00:11:35] When I was thinking those thoughts, when I was having those fears, I was experiencing my life through that lens, through the lens of lack. Like if I give myself permission to have this dream, I'm gonna have to sacrifice some other experience in my life. And what I've found to be true is like that's not the case at all. In giving myself permission to grow my ambitions and to grow my dreams for my business, it actually showed me things that were out of alignment with my former relationships, in friendship, in love, in my family, right? It brought to the surface things that I was not delighted about. That also gave me the opportunity to address head-on. And while addressing them, while giving myself permission to say, well, wait a second, who am I when I don't subscribe to the idea that part of my life has to lack because I'm growing ambition, because I'm growing audacity to fulfill my dreams, then what?
[00:12:43] Then I just started cleaning up or really tending to with love the parts of my life that didn't look like my dream vision. I started being really clear and honest with myself about like, this is not to my delight. What would I love to change? And I think we only start doing those things when we trust and believe that addressing them will create a net positive result. That going through the difficulties of navigating something will actually add value to how we get to experience our life and what we make space for. And I know that in pursuing all of the dreams for my business, when I started seeing the personal things that I had to clean up and the personal things that I was tolerating, that didn't really fuel me, by cleaning those things up and even letting relationships go, I got back so much energy that I could then give to the things that really mattered.
[00:13:51] And so now I'm in this space and this experience where I am being challenged to even ask myself, what does the next level look like? Because now I'm in a dream marriage that still requires love and nurturing and presence, but I have that presence to give, because I've created emotional systems, a way to experience my life where I do believe that my marriage gives me energy. And I do believe that being an entrepreneur makes me a better actor. I am in a space where being an actor and a performer and going after my dreams fully to manifest an Emmy award isn't taking away from my personal life or my availability to start a family. I'm starting to reverse engineer the identity of who I am when I hold all of those things with ease.
[00:14:56] And even if it's not the same sort of, you know, vision for you, maybe you don't literally wanna be starring in a TV series, right? I want you to ask yourself, what is that version of my life that I would love? Because I do think that there is a commonality to all of this, whether you're an actor, whether you are an entrepreneur, whether you are a wife, a mom, whatever those components of it are for you, I think the foundational structure is the same. And that's really why I started creating my work in a way that looks at what's the underlying structure? What's the belief system that has to exist? What are the emotional skills that have to be in place to make this possibility a reality?
[00:15:51] Like that is a skillset that comes from being aware of where you might be leaking energy and where you could redirect that to start solving bigger problems. Right, and problems in a good way. Problems in a way that we want to find creativity and solutions for. Like I love the fact that right now I'm starting to ask myself and envision higher quality problems to start focusing my attention on what my next skills gap is. Because now the skills gap doesn't overwhelm me. It doesn't make me feel behind. It makes me feel excited. Right? It goes back to the desire as fuel, because I'm desiring this bigger life that I'm imagining. And I think that desire comes again from the belief that you are the kind of person that could go after it. You are the kind of person that has the bandwidth. And even if you don't have the bandwidth now, like I have the desire to create the bandwidth to be the kind of woman that dot, dot, dot, whatever your desire is.
[00:17:05] So that's what I mean about like closing the energy leaks. When we stop settling for the idea that I have to choose. It has to be this or that. I did an episode on this for my former podcast, Love Your Life as a performer, and I think I'm going to sort of rerecord some of these concepts and maybe start sprinkling in some greatest hits from that podcast 'cause I think there are some really incredible interviews I did with some of my clients that I would love to share. So stay tuned. But I did an episode on it's not this or that, it's This and This. It's this and this, right? And so you get to be asking yourself, what is the, and in my life? Where right now am I thinking I have to choose?
[00:18:02] For example, a lot of performers go through the struggle of like, am I pursuing musical theater or am I gonna be on film and tv? Like is it this or that? Am I contemporary dancer or am I on Broadway? And so much of my work has been with releasing the sub category of like, what if I don't have to choose? What if you get to do it all?
[00:18:29] And I had a client who was in a Broadway show and was sort of grappling with, okay, but I'm feeling like I don't wanna really do musicals anymore. I wanna do plays and I wanna be on tv. And it's like, great, who are you when you do all of those things? And it's been so fun because they literally booked a series regular on a CBS show and then went off and recorded that show, hopped right back into their show.
[00:18:58] When we're thinking, oh boy, I've gotta decide, that's where we could really wobble back and forth with thinking and using all of our creative energy for decision making, for a decision that doesn't actually have to be made. Because when my client expanded their identity to say, I am an actor that does all of these things, all of that energy got to go into creating the next dream that was present.
[00:19:22] The same is true when we're thinking, oh, I've gotta get my finances in order before I'm available for love. It's not financial stability and personal independence or love and a happy marriage that's stable. It can be all of those things. You can be building your personal security and wealth and making yourself available for a really fulfilling romantic connection. But that comes from removing the limitations and deciding what's the priority versus really knowing I'm present and available to all of my desires. How they show up, the order that they come is not something I need to control. And I can remove the limitations that are stretching these timelines. I can remove the limitations of thinking this has to happen. And then I'll open myself up to this and then I'll open myself up to this. And again, if we're not trying to use all of our energy to control life, but instead just say, this is how I feel, this is how I operate when all of these things can coexist. We start living a really, really different life.
[00:20:47] Okay, so this episode this week, I really just want you to start checking in. If you were not giving yourself limitations. If you weren't thinking it's this or that, but instead you were just thinking it's this and this, these are the things that I would love to create in my life... what are those things? Where are you maybe holding yourself in decision making that's draining your energy for a decision that doesn't have to be made? If you're not spinning 10 plates, but you're just holding one plate that has all the different feasts from all the different cuisines on the plate, then what?
[00:21:30] You're gonna start identifying where in your identity can you be expanding yourself. Where you can start inviting yourself to ask higher quality questions to create higher quality solutions. The same way I'm asking myself, who am I when I am a coach at the million dollar level, when I am a household name actor starring in TV shows on Broadway and film, when I am also a very present mother, if I don't have to give up the quality of my marriage and great intimacy and regular sex and all of the things that make my life amazing, time with my friends, if I'm not asking myself the question of, oh God, how do I fit this in? There's not enough time for all of these desires to be honored.
[00:22:24] But instead I'm asking, how do I want my life to feel? How do I want to make time for this? How can I let all of these things give me energy and fuel the kind of life I'm living even today? When I have that clarity, I can start letting go of all the things that are draining my energy to make time and space for the things that matter. It's not juggling a puzzle. It's expanding my self concept to know that I get to live my life on a different frequency from a different level of capacity as I'm pursuing all of this. And there will be moments that are still challenging or that have imbalance or that require time and attention. But in working through all of that, I'm becoming the person that gets to navigate it much simpler. So that things that I used to wrap my head around for weeks or months, like I make clear decisions easily. I get to ask myself how I address solutions in my now life with the framework and the consciousness of my higher self. And I think that's where we start bridging the gap in a way that feels really good. And we won't even start going for those things until we have the belief.
[00:23:49] So just know we're gonna continue talking about these things, and if this already is sparking something in you where you're like, oh, wait a second. I have been spending a lot of time in low level thinking. I have been sort of letting my energy drain because of where I'm directing my focus. Just know that you can be working on these skill sets right now. You can be starting to create this identity, this level of thinking inside of Anything and Everything. You're 100% invited. Come and join us.
[00:24:25] Because I think it is a different kind of life when you say, if I can have it all, if I get to have this and this, if there is more available to me, if I am allowed to keep seeking and creating and letting myself have what I desire, how can I go about that in a way that feels really good? Knowing that there's gonna be challenges, knowing that you're going to have to show up for yourself and work through different obstacles to become who you wanna be, I think that's a very different use of your time and energy than just sort of surrendering to the idea that you can't have it all.
[00:25:09] And it's like really my mission to bring powerful, creative women along on the ride of getting to be in the experience of creating a life where you get to have it all. Without sacrificing, without doing it all, all of the time, trying to be super human. Where you get to have it all, opting in to a life on your terms. That's available to you and we'll keep talking about it. I'll meet you back here for another episode.
