[00:00:00] Welcome. This is Anything and Everything with Kelli Youngman Singh. We are here to live the most expansive experience of your life, guided by intuition and desire and rooted in self trust, authenticity, and love. That's what expands your capacity to receive, allow and fully enjoy what you really want. Nothing is off limits. Nothing needs to be justified. Here for an extraordinary life and to have it all on your terms. Let's begin.
[00:00:44] Hello, and welcome back to the podcast. I was sitting here right before I started recording, and I told my husband, "I'm having such a happy day." And I just wanna share that energy with you before we dive in to the episode. Because I'm looking out the window, I am just seeing sunshine. I was on a coaching call with one of my coaches earlier today and got some great coaching. And on top of all of that, I really let myself prioritize rest by declining some invitations, by sleeping in today till about 10:00 o'clock, and I've really just been honoring myself in such a full way.
[00:01:39] And so, I guess I just wanna share that with you all, is that, you know, when we give ourselves permission to honor our needs and take care of ourselves in this way, it can be so rewarding, and it's also not in opposition to what we're gonna talk about today on the podcast.
[00:02:05] I actually think that the way I take care of myself and allow myself to serve my needs also is what allows me to be so committed when I'm in a really full season. Like, I don't think of it as rest or going full force. I think the rest facilitates being all in and fully committed. This will make more sense once I dive into the episode today, and I just wanted to share that. I hope you are having an amazing day as you are listening to this as well.
[00:02:40] What I wanted to share on the podcast this week is that when you are choosing an extraordinary life, it is a choice.
[00:02:52] And I think there's two parts to this conversation. Because I think that honestly most people who are in my sphere are already opting into extraordinary. So there's the energy of: How does it feel to be in the choice of an extraordinary life?
[00:03:10] And also, I think there can be times when we unknowingly are in the average experience of our life, where we're wanting to opt in to extraordinary and/or we don't even realize that that level of life exists.
[00:03:30] And what prompted this episode was actually the other day before I was hopping on to my Anything & Everything coaching call inside of that program, I remember my husband looked at me in the morning, and he said, "Kelli, I just want to acknowledge you because I feel like everything we were talking about the night before, everything we were talking about Tuesday morning," he was like, "It is so apparent that you live your life with just extraordinary levels of commitment and also just, like extraordinarily high standards."
[00:04:16] And in the context of this conversation, we were talking about our marriage and our relationship and how we navigate challenging moments, who we show up as. And part of his sentiment was like, "I've always known you're extraordinary, but I keep witnessing you up-leveling and growing in who you're being."
[00:04:38] And in the context of our marriage, he's like, "I didn't know that this level of extraordinary was available." I took that as such a huge compliment and acknowledgement because I think it is true. We can kind of be in places in our life, and I think this can also happen when we are extraordinary, so it's not like a moral judgment, or it's not even a judgment at all in terms of which experience we're choosing.
[00:05:10] But when we are in average, it can kind of become normal. We, like, normalize the average, and in a relationship context, it's like, "I get along with this person. It's nice. We're... You know, it's, it's fine." Versus, like, opting into a relationship where the standard is extraordinary, but then the reward is extraordinary.
[00:05:37] And Terry always retells this event, and I don't know, like, it's kind of mind-blowing that it happened and/or like I don't put it past my past self. But I said something along the lines of like, "Hey, if we're gonna be seeing each other, like, we're gonna be all in. I don't really do casual, I'm not gonna be one of the people you're seeing." And so something about that level of invitation is what facilitated the current connection, relationship standard that we have within our marriage. And stepping out of the mundane, stepping out of what feels familiar, to step into a higher level or higher caliber experience can feel scary at times. But again, I think that choosing extraordinary always has a payoff, in a good way. And even if there's a cost in the moment, I think that when we choose to step out of average and what feels familiar or normal, even if there's a little bit of barrier to entrance, where at first it feels like the stakes are higher or, you know, there's more commitment being asked of you or, there's just higher standards period, again, if we're opting into those standards, we get to reap the reward.
[00:07:07] And so, like, now Terry and I have this extraordinary relationship, because I also never settle for less than extraordinary. Intentionally. Sometimes I end up in average and I'm like, "Okay, wait a second. Let me step back into my power to choose extraordinary," which is what I really wanna talk about today.
[00:07:26] And so I'm excited to talk about this because I think that there's a few layers to this. Like I said, when we are opting into extraordinary, we can be doing that because we're just the kind of people who live by excellence. Like, we want to do a good job. We are accustomed to growth. We want to be the best at what we do. I think that most people in my sphere are like that. We're very disciplined. We've achieved a certain level of success because we've opted into extraordinary.
[00:08:00] And what I know can be expanded upon, is how the pursuit of excellence feels, how the pursuit of extraordinary feels. Because I think a lot of times early in our lives, that strive for excellence can come from the entry point of not enoughness, right? There can be the part of us who's like, "Well, I've got to achieve these extraordinary things because if I don't- I won't be successful, I won't be good enough, I won't be acknowledged, I won't be valued.
[00:08:32] So we kind of are doing this dance of achieving extraordinary things for the affirmation of worth, and I think that's a very different thing than very cleanly opting into extraordinary or opting in to excellence from the entry point of, "I choose this because I love it. I choose this because I love who I get to be. I choose this because I love who I'm becoming."
[00:09:04] That, I think, is facilitating growth in a way that's net positive, that is for our benefit. And that already comes with a level of self-love and worthiness infused in the pursuit of, "I get to do this because it benefits me, it benefits my life, it benefits how I get to experience my one and only life."
[00:09:32] So again, this isn't a moral judgment of, you know, if you're choosing average, you're "less than" as a human being. I also think there's a little bit of unknowing, right? I don't think we realize 100% of the time when we're settling for average. Like, I don't think anyone wakes up and thinks, "I want an average life."
[00:09:59] And this is also where I think one distinction I wanna make is that an extraordinary life can look different for everyone, and I don't think extraordinary is necessarily measured by your bank account, by your accolades. I don't think extraordinary has a finite measurement. I think that depends on the definition that you give to extraordinary. So extraordinary for you gets to be exactly what you desire, not necessarily a comparison of what I consider my extraordinary life, right?
[00:10:39] You might have no desire to be a performer or to run a business or any of these things, and- that's not the point, right? It's not the literal circumstance you're creating, but the fact that it feels extraordinary in the freedom, the authenticity, the joy, and the permission you're giving yourself to go after an extraordinary life. Okay? So that's one.
[00:11:07] And then when you are in the pursuit of extraordinary, when you are opting into an extraordinary life, I think that a lot of times, or at least how I've experienced it, it can start feeling like a burden. It can start feeling like, "Ugh," like, "Why is all this responsibility falling on me? Why do I have to be the one managing my mindset 100% of the time? Why am I always opting into growth and other people are over there, you know, living a very casual life where they don't have to do as much work as I'm doing?"
[00:11:47] I think that with extraordinary lives, there is a cost. There is an entry point to setting these high standards for ourself, and I don't think it has to come at the expense of your enjoyment, your satisfaction, or even sacrifice. Because when we are coming from the entry point of not enough-ness, I think it feels like a sacrifice. It's like when we're in the scarcity of extraordinary, we think, "Well, I can't have it all unless I sacrifice this, that, the other." Or maybe I'm in an eight-show-a-week schedule, and I have to sacrifice these personal, you know, celebrations or going to friends' weddings or things like that.
[00:12:42] Now, I don't wanna minimize or ignore that those circumstances come up, and that in certain moments there is a trade-off. However, I think the flavor of that trade-off is very different when it feels like a sacrifice, when you're experiencing the loss, versus when you're really tuned to the gain, the perspective of what you're getting out of making that decision, right? And really owning it and loving it without guilt, obligation, or sacrifice.
[00:13:17] So I am sure that I will articulate this a million different ways in the future, and I just wanna really invite you into the safety of choosing extraordinary. I wanna invite you in to being aware of the fact that when you choose an extraordinary life, of course there are going to be higher standards that you hold yourself to.
[00:13:45] And we do this for us, for the benefit of who we become in the process, for how we get to experience ourselves living our lives as we pursue our dreams, so that we're not experiencing the resentment of the decisions we're making, or the resentment of the effort or the work that we're putting towards our dreams while we're in the process.
[00:14:11] Because I think that I've also witnessed in myself places where I have been creating an extraordinary life, and I have been stretching myself to full capacity over the last few weeks. And right now I'm preparing for a Broadway callback, I'm marketing and selling an event that I'm running as a coach, I'm coaching clients, I'm in the thick of my life as a wife, as a stepmom, and navigating real-life things.
[00:14:42] I'm not gonna deny that at times that is challenging. But what makes it more challenging is when I feel like I'm overwhelmed by the extraordinary life I've been asking for instead of expanding my identity and my capacity to be the woman that navigates all of these things effortlessly, right? And that doesn't mean it's always gonna be 100% smooth sailing. But what I know is that I'm putting in the reps right now, as I am in the season of fullness where this becomes my norm. And that is going to give me a much more net positive experience of this full season if I'm not feeling like a victim to my calendar, my circumstances, if I'm not constantly overwhelmed by what's happening, but instead I'm changing my relationship to the fullness of my life. Because like 100%, this is my extraordinary life.
[00:15:50] And I guess part of this too came from a conversation that I was having with my friend, because I think a lot of times when things start getting really full, it can feel like the obvious choice to slow down. Now, I was talking about at the beginning of this call, like I gave myself permission to rest, to decline invitations. I've been doing all of that, right? So the slow down I'm talking about isn't rest. That is, in my opinion, essential. I'm talking about when we say, "You know what? Never mind. I'm really busy in my performing career. I'm gonna slow it down in my coaching business. I'm not gonna host this event that could change people's lives. I'll just put it off until later." Or, you know, "I am not gonna do these things, because I'm waiting for life to slow down."
[00:16:45] And again, I don't think that's good, bad, right or wrong, but I do think that is the average response. It's the average response to tell yourself, " I've got too much going on. This is way too much. It's overwhelming." Versus being the kind of person where the events themselves are not taking away my energy, right?
[00:17:11] Now, I wanna be clear that the difference between the experience comes from having an extraordinary mindset. And so if you are living or claiming an extraordinary life, you have to know that part of the entry fee is going to be creating an extraordinary mindset, an identity that holds all of it. Because when you do that, not only do you build your capacity, you build your emotional agility, you start putting in the reps to get stronger, to be more resilient, to be more resourceful. To not freak out the minute something challenging arises, right?
[00:17:53] So the extraordinary life you're choosing really comes down to also opting in and getting yourself fully on board with the work that's gonna be required to create it. Because it will be much heavier and way less fun if you're in the energy of like, "Heavy is the crown. Woe is me. I always have to be the one", instead of being the version of you that's like, "Oh, 100% it's me. I was born to do this. I was destined to have an extraordinary life, and I'm so down to do the work to become that version of me." Knowing that I'm gonna have to build my strength in order to hold it. But that eventually it will feel very normal, that it will feel very of course, because this is who you've been choosing to be and how you've been choosing to move through the world.
[00:18:53] For this week, I want you to be really onto yourself. Notice when you are slipping out of your power, and when you are feeling burdened or overwhelmed by the life you have, versus really seeing, "This is the life I'm choosing".
[00:19:12] And knowing that sometimes those choices, what might feel like sacrifice now, are also your powerful decision for your future. That even right now you might be turning things down for the sake of the future you're building, and knowing that you get to decide how that choice feels. When you're connected to why you're making that choice and who you're becoming in the process, I think it also gives you access to really enjoy and feel so proud of those decisions. Which will only ever fuel you and give you more momentum to keep going.
[00:19:57] Because sometimes the rewards are not going to be instantaneous. You're not gonna see the trade-off right away when you're building an extraordinary mindset for an extraordinary life, some of that is like the seeds have been planted and now it's your job to water them on purpose, with joy, with pleasure, even when it's not necessarily fun.
[00:20:21] So that's what I wanna invite you into this week. If you are living an extraordinary life and you've created extraordinary standards, how do you allow yourself to live into those things without allowing yourself to be dissuaded, discouraged by, "This is too much. I can't handle this. I've gotta tap out"?
[00:20:47] And instead, really do the internal work to stretch your capacity to meet these things with your own desire, with your own choice, with your own pleasure to meet your extraordinary life, to create it in real time.
[00:21:09] Because the less burdened you feel by the extraordinary life that you've set out to create, the more available you will be to simply live into it and allow it. Because it's already on the way. And you can just so love the extraordinarily high standards you've set for yourself and decide that it is your biggest privilege to create it. That's what I've been living into, and I hope you are too.
[00:21:43] All right. I'll meet you back here soon.
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