[00:00:00] Welcome. This is Anything and Everything with Kelli Youngman Singh. We are here to live the most expansive experience of your life, guided by intuition and desire and rooted in self trust, authenticity, and love. That's what expands your capacity to receive, allow and fully enjoy what you really want. Nothing is off limits. Nothing needs to be justified. Here for an extraordinary life and to have it all on your terms. Let's begin.
[00:00:44] Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I started recording this podcast and was completely overcome with tears and just emotion because I was thinking about the impact of this work. And it's been really fun to talk about coaching with people who have no idea what it is. And for them to be so enchanted or amazed by the ripple effect that this work can have.
[00:01:20] And so someone recently asked me, "How many lives do you think you've impacted?" And I was like, "Oh my gosh, I don't even know. Thousands, maybe more." Because all of my clients are experiencing their own transformation, which then ripples out to their families and their kids and the way they get to move through the world, and, you know, their talents and the impact it makes when they're in shows or using their own platform, and feeling confident, and writing new projects, and getting lit up, and tapping into and connecting to their fullest, realest potential. And that impact just never stops compounding.
[00:02:09] And so with that in mind, I wanted to talk about Identity Upgrade on the podcast. Because if you're listening to this in real time, I am hosting the first ever Identity Upgrade Live in person. And as I've been starting to share about it and invite people to the event, I realized that I haven't really given people a clear context of what Identity Upgrade even means.
[00:02:44] If you're in the world of this work, you might be familiar with the idea of change at the identity level. And I also know that there's some people in my world that have never heard this term before. So I wanted to give it a permanent place on the podcast where I talk about this idea and this concept that has really developed over the last six years of doing this work.
[00:03:11] Because this is part of the founding principles of- My masterminds, my group programs that I have been leading for the last three, four years. I'm on my seventh round of my group. And so yeah, this has been tried, tested, and on top of the group setting, my private clients have been working with these concepts, and it literally is what has allowed my clients to naturally and normally receive bigger and bigger opportunities, and to start giving themselves permission to start the process of becoming their fullest expression of who they wanna be.
[00:03:54] And before I get ahead of myself, let me explain that the way I experience Identity Upgrade is knowing that who I am being on a daily basis comes down to my relationship with myself. My relationship with how I perceive who I am, my relationship to what I desire, my relationship to my life. And when we have a perception about who we are, that informs how we go out in the world and behave. It informs how we think. It informs how we make decisions. It informs every single part of our existence. Whether you're conscious of it or not, you have a set of thoughts, beliefs, perceptions about who you are in this life.
[00:04:53] And when we are relating to ourselves in a specific way, we're always going to create a lived experience that is a mirror to our current identity. And that is not a bad thing. It's just how it works.
[00:05:10] And so the idea of Identity Upgrade is starting from the principle or the concept that you actually get to decide who you wanna be in this life. And I don't know if I've actually recorded a podcast about this yet, but I call it Created Identity. It goes back to the idea that same way you get to create your experience, you get to decide who you want to be. Identity Upgrade takes that concept further to actually encompass the process of deciding to elevate who you're being on purpose.
[00:05:54] So if you know that you wanna be a business owner, and not just a business owner, but a successful business owner that makes an impact, makes money, is proud to offer your services, right? You could do that as the version of you that is hyperreactive, afraid of being judged, worried about being liked, driving your business to succeed out of fear of failure. You could do it as that version of you.
[00:06:26] Or you can upgrade your identity to experience what you want to create, the result you wanna create, as the version of you that's going to maximize the outcome. Meaning, if you're deciding you would love to have a business and be a successful business owner, imagine the difference of doing that as the identity, the version of you who can handle pressure, that feels calm and confident and capable of navigating any challenges or obstacles. That trusts themselves with money, that knows they make great decisions, and that you're super resourceful. Imagine the difference of running a business with that second identity versus the former one.
[00:07:29] And what I can say is that I've been both versions of that, and we have to be willing to go through the process of deciding ahead of time who and how we would like to be moving through the world to give ourselves a direction to move towards.
[00:07:49] And what I like to tell my clients is that when you decide, we can let it be easy. It actually could change overnight, and we wanna be willing to keep reinforcing the new identity, the Identity Upgrade, for as long as it takes to stick.
[00:08:12] Because if you've never done this work ever before, if you've never come from the entry point of consciousness about who you're being and how you live your life, it doesn't mean that you've failed as a human, or that you're not smart, or that you haven't gone to therapy, or that you haven't done any of these things.
[00:08:32] We're not creating a judgment about you. We just wanna show your brain that you have likely been being this version of you that you currently exist as for decades of your life, right? So we actually wanna take time to put in the reps, just like you would if you were going to the gym to get stronger, to keep reinforcing the new thoughts, feelings, attitude, behaviors, the personality of your new identity, if you want to have the most net positive experience of your life in pursuit of the things that you want.
[00:09:14] So what I teach my clients, and what I have done for myself over and over and over again, is deciding ahead of time that I am going to consciously upgrade my identity all of the time. I actually do this on a daily basis, where I'm thinking about, " who was I yesterday? Like, how did I engage with the world? How was I thinking about myself?" This is what we call in the coaching world, like, your self concept. How do you perceive yourself right now?
[00:09:48] Are you perceiving yourself as broke? As under-resourced? As a newbie? Or maybe you're still non-equity and you're unemployed? Are you thinking of yourself as an unemployed actor? Like, are you thinking of yourself as single, the person who never gets love? Like, we all have unconscious parameters of how we perceive ourself all of the time, and that's not a problem. Like, I really want you to hear me. It's not a problem that we have these parameters. But the only way to sort of expand them and shake those things loose is by consciously deciding ahead of time who you're becoming and then going to work to create that on purpose.
[00:10:39] So the way I experience Identity Upgrade is not as an endless strive for perfection. It's not admitting defeat in some negative way where, you know, if you decide to Identity Upgrade, that means you were never good enough. Like, this doesn't have to stem from not enoughness. And if you're in a place of not enoughness, that's okay. It's not a problem, but even still, that's just more of a reason why you wanna move from the version of you that thinks you're not enough, to knowing that you're strong and capable, regardless of your circumstances, so that your self-concept is dictated by you, not how your current life appears.
[00:11:25] Even that in itself would be an Identity Upgrade, right? This is where I get so excited.
[00:11:31] Because every part of awareness just opens up this space for you to remember who you actually are and remember what is available to you. That we all have equal access to for free, is thinking about: Who am I being, and who do I really want to be? The way that I think and I feel is in my control 100% of the time, and when I understand that, again, Identity Upgrade.
[00:12:00] So the Identity Upgrade is really this ongoing process of becoming aware of where you're holding any self-imposed limitations, unconscious ceilings, like glass ceilings of what's available to you or the kind of person you think you are or the kind of life you're destined to live. If you're willing to let go of all of those things...
[00:12:28] It's like moving into a fully furnished home where you have to just- Take everything as it is, and it's like, "Oh, okay, great. These are the paintings. This is the furniture. This is what the fridge is stocked with. Instead of having land that's an empty blueprint and actually getting to decide with the architect what kind of home you love, and what color you want the walls to be, and what kind of furniture you wanna have. You could do that process over, and over, and over again, and you don't have to be committed to one thing.
[00:13:07] And so where I know this can be a little daunting is especially if you're like, "Well, I don't know what I want." That feels like a lot of pressure. That feels like a lot of responsibility to make all of those decisions. But I want you to imagine that there could be a version of you that is excited, passionate, lit up by having full creative control over your life and who you want to be right now.
[00:13:42] Even if you love the life you're living, even if you aren't completely satisfied with how things are going, that neither one of those entry points would be bad.
[00:13:56] And that instead, all that's available is pure creation. Like, that's the magic of identity upgrade. And when you understand that this process gets to come from fun, that this process could be enjoyable, that you could actually desire to expand who you're being on purpose, to challenge yourself, to go past where you've been before, to take risks, to just be willing to be so audacious in what you're asking for and what you're expecting to receive. When you start shifting all that- Not only are you gonna engage with yourself in a different way, you're gonna be experiencing life in a different way.
[00:14:45] And if you're doing this process over and over and over again, it's like the difference of living every day as the same person from now until the rest of your life, which again, is not good, bad, right, or wrong. Some people want that. And so I'm not here to shame anyone if that is your choice, but I want you to know that you're making that choice.
[00:15:07] And that you also have the opportunity to create compounding growth where every day you're starting with a different balance.
[00:15:18] It's kind of like a bank account, right? Like, if you put money into a checking account with no interest, it's just like the balance is gonna stay the same. It's kind of like status quo.
[00:15:29] Versus if you're putting it into the stock market, and things are changing, and it's growing, and every day there's a new starting point. The balance is changing every day, and it's growing incrementally.
[00:15:44] That's like the energy of identity upgrade. Is that you could actually on purpose be deciding who you wanna be and stretching yourself to take the risk, the emotional risk, the financial risk, of just doing something differently than you've ever done it before. And that in the pursuit of doing things differently, you could open yourself up to a bigger life than you ever imagined.
[00:16:12] That is 100% what happened to me over my life as I said yes to believing I was a Broadway performer, making my Broadway debut, traveling the world, ending relationships, finding my husband. Like, Literally letting myself realize and become aware of, that I was a person who was in a relationship with someone who didn't value my time, to then saying, "Oh, wait a second. I don't wanna be the person who's in a relationship with someone who doesn't value me or my time." Like, they're not required to, but I can go be a person who chooses to be with someone, who has a completely different life trajectory.
[00:16:56] That's why I'm living this, like, fairy tale romance , you guys. Like, being in a marriage where every day we wake up and literally we roll over and we're like, "Oh my God, I feel so happy that I'm waking up next to you." Like, that actually could be your life.
[00:17:13] But you have to decide you're willing to make the decisions, to take the actions, to be the version of you that expects that kind of love to be yours, right?
[00:17:24] So all of these things contribute to Identity Upgrade. First, having the vision and deciding, like in the house example, of like, even if I have no idea what I like yet, I'm gonna start doing the research to understand what I would love. And what I would tell you is that I think most people actually do know what they would love. They're just afraid to commit because they think it's gonna be wrong, or they don't wanna be judged if it's very different from what other people want, or there's the social pressure of how they think it's supposed to look, and all of the internal fear of deciding. That's a whole topic we could get into, but you have to actually decide what you would love.
[00:18:11] And then as you're doing the Identity Upgrade, so much of that is emotional intelligence. It's the emotional agility piece. It's understanding the correlation between your thoughts and feelings, that go from being unconscious, habitual, sort of automatic, to highly conscious, very aware, evaluating to choose to feel differently on purpose.
[00:18:40] That is how my whole entire personality changed over the last 10 years. I remember being the kind of person that always felt like I was doing more than everybody else, and I felt very burdened, and I was kind of like fake nice, but kind of bitchy on the inside and, you know, a little bit insecure and judging people and talking about people to build myself up. Like, there was that version of me and my baseline mood was kind of like, "Ugh, let's see how today goes," versus becoming the version of me that people are like, "Wow, you're really happy." Like, "You're maybe the happiest person I've ever met. Like, you're so pleasant. You're so radiant."
[00:19:28] And I just wanna say that out loud, not just to compliment myself, but to say that you actually could have a totally different energetic signature- Like the actual frequency of how you move through the world, your baseline mood, how people experience you, how people interact with you. Like all of those things, the external things can shift when you've done the internal identity upgrade to feel differently, to feel on purpose, to also align with the results you're wanting to create.
[00:20:07] So this is the identity upgrade process. It's something that's ongoing, it's something that compounds, and it's something that opens up infinite possibility as you're being willing to engage with yourself, be curious without judgment, with loving neutrality to ask yourself, "Huh, where else can I soften these edges and expand how I am currently engaging with myself in the world?" Doing that process on a regular basis is what facilitates the identity upgrade.
[00:20:43] So you could do life as the same version of you, engaging with challenges, obstacles along the way that are gonna come regardless. Like life is not gonna stop life-ing. Or you could be the version of you that's compounding on purpose and not only having new challenges and obstacles arise, but being a different version of you that's engaging with the challenges.
[00:21:11] Imagine the difference of being a different version of you, a more expanded, more confident, more grounded, more secure, more available and open version of you engaging with new obstacles and challenges. That version of you is gonna grow exponentially. That version of you is going to be learning at a rapid exponential rate, and that's what we're doing. We're establishing a new baseline and giving you the tools to actually do life differently.
[00:21:47] And so this process has been, part of how my entire reality has changed over the last few years. It's what allows us to navigate really challenging circumstances with grace for ourselves and other people, understanding that there's a lot of things we're doing for the first time, so we can't possibly know how things are gonna go ahead of time. We have to kind of be willing to be in the mess of things as they're unfolding, right? With the certainty of who you get to be as you're in the mess.
[00:22:25] There is the ability to start claiming new dreams, start businesses and all of these things that facilitate bigger possibilities and outcomes. Like, there's no way to do that without some emotional risk.
[00:22:41] So this is really a possibility process. It's about 10X-ing how you perceive yourself and what's available to you and what's possible for you, and knowing that you can learn and become and change and grow. And when you're doing that, it has nothing to do with "arrival."
[00:23:00] Because no matter where you are on your own journey of self-love, I don't think there's ever an end. I think there's always new depths to feel it, new opportunities to expand, receive, allow. All of these concepts just keep going to deeper levels. So I just wanna say that out loud because I think part of the difference of how I experience myself and my growth is that I don't try to tell myself that I've arrived. I'm always seeking new levels of mastery.
[00:23:31] I have this relationship with, of course there's always going to be more expansion. So I don't internalize my current results or where I'm at as negative if I discover there's more to go. I'm always seeking more while allowing myself to be really fulfilled. Like, I don't think those two things negate themselves. I think you can be actively in pursuit of growth and expansion while also feeling enough, and proud, and grounded, and celebratory of where you are now. I don't think discovering new growth is a sign of failure, or not enoughness, or a kind of shortcoming. I think it's just part of human nature to keep expanding. So my relationship to that growth always feels really good, and it can feel good for you too.
[00:24:22] So the last thing I'll say, my husband always laughs when I say that, 'cause it's never the last thing... because I'm sure I will continue to share more about this from all different angles and different supporting concepts that help you understand this idea.
[00:24:40] What I wanna let you know is that right now, if you're listening in real time, you have an opportunity to do this work with me live and in person. I'm hosting an event in New York City, Friday, June 5th, and you have the opportunity to not only come and learn this process, you're gonna understand the mechanics of how you identity upgrade on a regular and consistent basis.
[00:25:06] I'm gonna teach you the components of emotional intelligence that are required to engage with this in a way that feels really good. Because remember, like I said, identity upgrade to me doesn't feel heavy. It might feel challenging at times when I'm like, "Oof, that was a new circumstance." But if I'm compounding in my growth and I'm handling it in different ways and I'm aware of who I'm being as I'm navigating it, what's always available is a different frequency, a different capacity to engage with the challenge. I'm gonna teach all of this at Identity Upgrade Live in person.
[00:25:44] So if you've never worked with me before, this is a great opportunity to come experience the work in a full-day, all-immersive setting. And even if you have worked with me before, even if you've done this process with me in some way, shape, or form in other masterminds or groups, I still wanna encourage you to come, because I have changed so much in the last few years, and how I'm explaining this, how I know this process to be, coming through the other side of all of my relationship growth and my marriage and all of the transitions that I've had in my life, I am a completely different person and coach. How this work is coming through me is like a channel and it's creating such profound effects for my clients' lives that if you have not been in the room with me recently, you're going to want to be there.
[00:26:39] I totally could understand the inclination to think, oh, I already know this. I've already done this. Like I said, this is compounding work. No matter where you are, even if you've worked with me before, you have not experienced this work in this way. And I really encourage you to come and find out who you get to be from this point forward. I'm going to be stretching you in the same way that I'm challenging and stretching myself on a daily basis. And I've never had this much audacity, confidence, clarity about what I'm teaching to hold space for you to get massive transformation.
[00:27:14] All right. To get your ticket, you're going to go to kelliyoungmansingh.com/identityupgradelive. Go get your ticket right now and I will see you there.
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