Ep 25: Renew the Vision & Think Bigger
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Kelli: [00:00:00] Welcome. This is Anything & Everything with Kelli Youngman Singh. We are here to live the most expansive experience of your life, guided by intuition and desire and rooted in self trust, authenticity, and love. That's what expands your capacity to receive, allow and fully enjoy what you really want. Nothing is off limits. Nothing needs to be justified. Here for an extraordinary life and to have it all on your terms. Let's begin.
Hello and welcome back to the podcast. I have to tell you, as I'm sitting down to record, I really feel like I am a completely different woman. And I know I say that often, but I [00:01:00] really attribute that to the work that I'm doing on a daily and consistent basis. I'm pretty sure I've shared with you that I am doing my mastermind again, and I'm in a container with my coach at the highest level for the next year, and that means I'm getting my brain coached up, let's see, four hours a week. One call for our mastermind call, I have also, like, our mindset membership course that's about an hour and a half a week. I have another coach actually that I work with an hour every week, and that doesn't include peer coaching.
So again, I guess I'm sharing this because I have been doing this work consistently for the last six years with coaching, [00:02:00] along with, you know, half a decade of personal development before that. And even still, I'm being challenged regularly to outgrow thinking that no longer serves me. So if there has ever been a time to work with me as your coach, to trust the integrity of my brain operating at the highest level, this is it. I feel like I'm going through identity upgrade after identity upgrade after identity upgrade just on repeat, and my clients are really reaping the benefit of these investments that I'm making.
And so- What I wanted to talk about today was some of the profound breakthroughs that I've had. Because I think, one, I have to be clear that there are, like, five or six different episodes percolating in me [00:03:00] from this season of massive growth. And also, I've been coming back to some of the foundational concepts that started this work. And I guess I've been reflecting on this a lot because, like I said, I've been doing this for six years now. I've been a life coach in business for six years, and that feels like such a huge milestone that I'm really looking forward to celebrating next month. Because a lot has happened in those six years of, of coaching, not only for me in my own growth as a coach and my own development and my own skills, as a human being, but also in the lives of my clients and what they've been able to create. And getting to watch those seeds that we planted be watered and to see them flourish has been [00:04:00] so freaking cool.
And so, yeah, I've been thinking a lot about some of the foundational concepts that were originally shared on the Love Your Life as a Performer podcast that I'm either gonna re-record or, you know, share as an archive episode, and I wanna do more of that to sort of not let some of those ideas and concepts die with the old podcast, but to bring along the wisdom that has been growing over the last six years in this body of work.
And what's so interesting, and I talk about this with my clients a lot, and again, I feel like I wanna speak to this knowing that some of these podcast episodes I have to pull out of the archive. But I think I've been in my own concoction of Identity Amnesia, [00:05:00] of The Messy Middle, and being in a s- season of life that is transition. And I think a lot of my clients can relate, which is why I wanted to talk about it today, which is that sometimes it can feel like so much is changing that it's a little bit, like, ungrounded. It kind of feels like, "Where the hell am I?" Things are so different. They aren't necessarily better. You're not, like, living your dream result.
Or maybe you are in a lot of ways, but again, it feels a little bit incomplete or a little off. I know for me and for many of my clients, that looks like relationships changing or friendships changing or, I don't know, a little bit of a season of loneliness or not feeling completely capable or not feeling [00:06:00] fully in belief. There's a little more doubt, a little more confusion. That's definitely the Identity Amnesia, where you forget a little bit who you are, and you forget that you wouldn't be in circumstances that you weren't 100% ready and capable for. But in the moment, it feels like you're a little bit out of your depths, and it feels a little bit like... yeah, like you're a little disoriented. That is, like, the Identity amnesia part of it.
And then The Messy Middle is, again, knowing that you're moving towards something bigger, but you're not across the bridge yet. You're like, I don't know, in the middle of the dark forest, and you know that you're on the path, but it still looks really scary. Because again, there's like not complete signs of it working, and when you're in The Messy Middle where it feels a little [00:07:00] bit uncertain, incomplete, your brain is also, like, latching onto all the evidence of things not having worked out. So it feels like the middle becomes this giant mountain instead of really being aware of, like, how far you've come and how much closer you are. And it's like that feeling of like, "I just don't know if I can keep going. I don't know if I've got it in me to make it across the finish line." Right?
And so I'm just saying that out loud because, again, as someone who not only has been doing this work for a long time, but also facilitates this transformation for others, I just want to normalize that when you're in those seasons, nothing has gone wrong.
And I'm laughing because it's so hard to feel that. Because, of course, in this kind of [00:08:00] Identity Amnesia and Messy Middle season, again, it feels sometimes like chaos, and that, that urgency of like, "Oh my God, the house is burning down," like that feels really true when our nervous systems are activated, and we don't necessarily see the light at the end of the tunnel.
What has been integral for me as I've been in seasons of this for my own growth, for my own career, for my own trajectory of life, what's been so fascinating is really coming back to purpose and bigger vision. And I've been sharing this story with clients recently because I think it's so profound how much we shrink in those moments, how much we, again, just, like, lose [00:09:00] ability to access our true magnitude. And if I'm being honest, I think I've been in a season of this for, I don't know, like just transitioning over the last year or so, and maybe even longer. It doesn't necessarily feel like massive failure, massive defeat. It's sort of like when you unintentionally or unknowingly are like brushing aside the little things until all of a sudden you, like, blow up and you're like, "Whoa, what's happening here?"
I don't think any of us intentionally do this to ourselves, but I think we chip away at our confidence when we're not really taking stock of the wins. And when we're not taking stock of the wins or we're not celebrating, when we're not intentionally tuning our brains to find that frequency, it's [00:10:00] really easy to just end up on the wrong channel.
And the good news is it's, like, not a major problem, but you do have to be willing to change the channel again. And, like, I think that's where this work comes in. It's like, oh, I can just get back on the channel. I can get back on the channel. And it is, I don't know, it's a fight. But it also, I think, gives us that scrappiness or that, I don't know, that hunger to really create, achieve. Like, I think that's a beautiful part of the human experience. Getting to really feel the desire of something you're wanting and the disappointment of, of it not working out in this moment, right?
And so anyways, I've been thinking about this a lot for my work because part of my Identity Amnesia has been that I've kind of shied away from or... maybe it's not good, [00:11:00] bad, right or wrong, but I've widened the scope of my work, and I kind of diluted the results that I have for years been creating with my clients. And that is really having professional performing careers that feel rewarding, fulfilling, enjoyable with the added bonus of having a bomb-ass personal life. Not just getting by, but feeling fully resourced emotionally, financially, and just, like, full of happiness and energy. Like, resourced in energy, right?
And what's so funny is that a lot of my work, my earlier [00:12:00] work stemmed from the understanding of the Laws of the Universe, and energetic alignment, and manifestation. I think I've shared on the podcast that my very first, like, really powerful manifestation and how I, I even knew that this was possible that I started walking other performers into this experience, was I understood that you couldn't be on the channel of feeling disempowered in your career and book the dream job.
And that's what happened when I walked myself through the energetic shift of, like, going through the motions at auditions to really committing and believing in the idea that I could be on Broadway, practicing that belief until it felt so true that I quit my restaurant job after Thanksgiving and went into the new year believing I was gonna be on Broadway. And I left that restaurant job [00:13:00] without a contract. Seven days into the new year, I direct booked my Broadway debut. So I was really tuned in, tapped on, like activated, alive in the dream, but 100% embodying belief. And what was really cool from there was that my career just soared.
Now, the trade-off was at the time, I completely did not have a thriving personal life. Maybe on the surface it looked really good. Like, I was in a long-term relationship, and I was living with my partner at the time, and, you know, it looked good enough. But, like, the quality of that relationship was so low because the, the quality of my relationship with myself was so low, right?
So at the time, I [00:14:00] was experiencing massive strides in my career. Like I said, I manifested my Broadway debut. I was only supposed to be there for, like, a temporary contract for 10 shows, and I just kept getting extended. I was like, "Well, if this is working now, maybe I could stay longer." I ended up staying for six months, and I closed out The King and I at Lincoln Center, the 2026 revival. And I remember, again, just, like, so many people wanted to go on the tour, and it wasn't really even on my radar. I was like, "I don't know if I wanna tour right now. I think I'd rather just stay here, be available for the next Broadway gig."
But I ended up getting that contract while I was in Greece on a girls' trip, and I decided to say yes. I said yes to what was present, and I ended up becoming the Assistant Dance Captain and Swing on that contract. And I did that contract for about nine months, and then I actually left the tour 'cause I was [00:15:00] like, "Okay, I'm ready to be done." They invited me back to be a vacation swing, like, less than a week later, which was perfect for me, 'cause if you're a performer, you know, then you can claim unemployment. And so that was, like, such a dream. And from there, I rolled right into Anastasia on Broadway, and I booked that with the same confidence and certainty and all of the things. Like, my performing career was on this magical streak. And then as soon as Anastasia closed, I went right into rehearsals for a world premiere musical, something that I had always wanted to do. And again, it just felt like I was constantly winning professionally.
Behind the scenes, my life, my personal life was a disaster. Like disaster, you guys. I'll never forget, and again, I don't know, I, sometimes I limit talking about these things, but like I'll never forget sobbing on the [00:16:00] night of Anastasia, we have our closing night, and we're out like trying to celebrate and there's a lot happening on your closing night of a show. Like, the fans were there, and it's emotional. You're clearing out your dressing room, like there's a lot going on. And then I had also taken the liberty of like organizing an unofficial after party. Because we had had a closing party like a couple weeks before, but there was nothing that night. So of course me being just the overachieving kind of human being that I am, I always joke like natural-born leaders lead.
Anyways, I remember taking on the lead to like set up this unofficial closing party that was gonna be cash bar. But most closing parties are usually paid for. They're funded by the company. Anyways, like I remember at the end of that party, like getting [00:17:00] presented a bill of like hundreds of dollars and not necessarily handling it well because, again, like I'm like this 25 Something year old kid, like...
Actually, I don't remember how old I was. I'd have to do the math. But I think I was like, like mid to late 20s. I'm like getting handed this, but I'm like, "I don't know what to do here." Like, this is like above my pay grade. Like, I was freaking out. I just didn't have the emotional skill set to handle those kinds of circumstances.
And I remember having a huge fight with my boyfriend at the time. He didn't wanna take my bags home. He wanted to go home early. And all of this was happening also the day before I had my final callback for the Mean Girls tour, which spoiler alert, I did not book because I spent all night crying hysterically, getting very drunk, because I just couldn't handle the pressure of this moment.[00:18:00]
And the reason why I'm telling you this is because, again, professionally, I was like winning, winning, winning, winning, winning. Personally, I was like massively getting dumped on and not being supported and also not supporting myself, not like putting myself in scenarios where I was being treated the way that I really wanted to be treated. Like, I was really accepting, like, I don't know, the bar was on the floor, okay?
So fast-forward to doing this work and why I wanna like recommit to my mission is because what's been interesting is that over the past few years, I've completely changed my life with this work. Like, completely changed my life. The way that I trust myself, the way that I love myself, the way that I believe in myself [00:19:00] has been like a complete 180 to the point where I've manifested a life and a marriage that feels so good. You guys, like I'm living out a movie. Doesn't mean to say that like my husband and I still have moments where we have disconnection and we have to repair and we have misunderstandings or, disagreement but What's so fun is that the baseline is so high, because the baseline that I created for myself is so high.
But what's been fascinating is that professionally, and even a little bit why I've been shying away, and I realized this only recently through a lot of coaching, is that I've been shying away from walking performers into their dream careers and their dream lives because I was not witnessing the full extent of my success as [00:20:00] an actor in this season.
Because I haven't booked work. I haven't been back on Broadway. I haven't been, you know, bopping around from contract to contract And it's so wild, you guys, because I'm realizing in my breakthrough that what's happened is I've created this dream personal life and also, I've been expanding my dream career, even if the metric on paper isn't there yet. Because I've been sizing my own goals through an outdated lens of success. Like, my old version of success was, like, always be booked, always be working. And I don't think that's, like, a bad goal to have, but I also know that I'm not the girl who's just grateful to be on, like, a chorus [00:21:00] contract.
Now, I'm not, like, poo-pooing a chorus contract. Like, if I got a contract tomorrow on Broadway, hell yeah, I'm taking it. But what's also been interesting, and this is what I mean about being in The Messy Middle, is that I've been 10X-ing my dreams. I've been expanding my self-concept as an actor. I've been taking on-camera classes. I've been stretching my vision to include an Emmy award, to be the kind of actor that is leading a series, to take myself as seriously in those dreams as dreams that I've already accomplished. And I think that when we're doing that, it's really easy to get stuck in the lack of success instead of understanding the magnitude of the growth that's required to stretch your dream.
And what's so wild to me, that I can only see now, is that I've become [00:22:00] such an expert in this work because of this chapter. Because I think, again, a lot of me could understand, relate, coach people to the frequency of success, but I hadn't really mastered the other side of the coin, because I had just been winning, winning, winning, winning, winning. I think a lot of people would've looked at me and seen the trajectory of my career and just assumed, like, I didn't know what it was like to struggle because things came easily to me. And this is where I think the magic is and why I know I'm so much of a better coach now and why I'm so capable of guiding my clients through this journey, is because one, even when my career, air quote, "wasn't performing" or wasn't succeeding, my clients were still getting everything they wanted. In the last few years, even if I haven't been working, my clients have been booking TV shows, making Broadway [00:23:00] debuts, getting, like, their second or third movie role. They've been getting married, finding the love of their lives, like, doing their biggest contracts. Like, lots of things have been shifting for my clients through the processes that I teach.
And now, I have, like, this deepened skill set of holding and navigating what feels like massive failure while you're in the middle of Identity Upgrade. And I don't think that the version of me who had only experienced winning for so long... And again, like, it's not that I wasn't winning. You guys, I met my husband. I got married. I created my dream wedding with, like, a $0 budget. I mean, eventually, we created the money to do it, but, like, I've become the version of me that's so resourceful that even when something doesn't appear like it's working [00:24:00] or that it's available, I'm the version of me that creates a solution. I'm the version of me that can go from nothing to something. And that skill set translates regardless of whether it is being applied to your performing career, your personal life, financial goals, dreams. Like, it's the same universal process.
And so I think my biggest flex right now, and I say this a lot, you guys, 'cause I'm... honestly, I'm always looking for new ways to celebrate and acknowledge the growth that's happening. Because that's how we stay in the frequency of the growth and expansion. I think the biggest flex right now is that even though I haven't been on a professional contract, I still, with absolute 100% certainty, know that I'm committed to being a performer.
That at [00:25:00] 37 years old, I am not worried about my career ending. I'm not worried that it's gonna end without my consent, like, that it's just gonna trickle off and I won't even know that it's the end. Like my brain offers me those thoughts sometimes, but I also know that those are just thoughts. Those are coming from fear. But I know that I'm committed to this craft even when I have a family, even when... I just am so certain that I'm in this for the long haul, that my dreams are getting bigger and bigger. I'm not thinking about the ways that my career has shifted or changed in a negative way. I'm holding all of those things as possibilities, but I also know that my commitment is what makes it inevitable, that I'm continuing to invest in my craft, that I'm expanding my skill sets. I'm [00:26:00] expanding the dream. I'm not letting the dream shrivel up and die. I'm constantly planting new seeds for the new dreams I'm wanting to create.
And again, I think this is an episode that I wanna talk about soon, is that I know it can be strange when you get to a place, like this happened for me recently. Like, for so long it was like I wanna meet my person, I wanna get married, I wanna, like, be so madly in love. Like, it might sound crazy or cliche, but, like, that was, like, a very big pinnacle of this dream life that I imagined. Like, getting to do life with someone who you admire, respect, and just freaking love, and, like, that love is returned tenfold. Like, that was such a big part of my vision and like for so long Broadway was such like the height of my vision, like achieving that dream was like such a big deal, that [00:27:00] along the way I wasn't planting bigger dreams that really excited me.
And I feel like I'm in that season right now of like starting to really tap into and to connect to like who's my Future Self three years from now, 10 years from now, 20 years from now? And that's really lighting me up now.
And so I wanna share this story. I think I started saying it, but I didn't actually tell the story, that I've been telling my clients recently because... and it's such a silly, simple story. But Terry was at an event, and because he's a fashion designer, he's around a lot of famous, wealthy, established people. And he was at a premiere for Twiggy, the supermodel, actor, amazing woman, the premiere for her new documentary, and my husband was talking to [00:28:00] this other guy, and they started talking about wine, and this guy says to Terry, "Oh, Terry, do you like wine?" And Terry goes, "Uh, wine's not really my thing. Kelli likes wine more." And he says to the guy, " What, you got a few good bottles? Like what kind of vintage you got?" And the guy looks at Terry, and he's like, "Terry, I own a vineyard."
That little anecdote has stuck with me so much because I think that's what happens when we're, like, in the Identity Amnesia, in The Messy Middle. We're, like, thinking on such a small scale. Like, my husband's thinking this guy's, like, inviting us over to have a couple of good bottles of wine, and this guy's like, "No, I own a vineyard." Like, the scale of, like, a couple of good bottles to, like, owning the vineyard. It just gave me this reminder of scale. [00:29:00] And when we're in what feels like urgency, when we're in what feels like a problem, like, everything feels so big, but we're thinking so small. We're thinking about the bottles of wine instead of the vineyard.
And so I know for certain that right now I'm reconnecting to my vision. I am planting new seeds for this body of work, and I know without a shred of doubt that I've become the version of me that can help any performer create the career of their dreams. Because I know that if you have the desire, not just for you, for all of us, that if you have the desire, there is a way for you to create it And what is getting in the way is your perspective, your lack of vision, [00:30:00] your lack of belief, your lack of emotional skill, which is not a problem.
Because I have walked myself through being the version of me that accepted breadcrumbs on the floor, bar on the floor, you guys, to having a self-concept that allows me to receive massive love, massive support, massive opportunity while expanding my dreams.
And as I keep sharing this skill set with more and more performers, what's happening is that more people in the industry are being fulfilled. They're feeling whole, they're feeling worthy, and the quality of art that we create from that space, the magic that we're able to collaborate on and put out into the world, [00:31:00] like that frequency of healing, of love, of contribution, that is 10X-ing the world and making it a better place. When the artists are so resourced that they feel whole and they have so much to give of their creativity that it's coming from love and overflow and abundance, like the impact that that art has on the world is just tenfold.
And so that's the vision that I'm really locking into, and that is the mission that I am so ready to double down on, knowing that my career over the last three years, the challenges that I've endured, the getting so close and not booking it, the moments of disappointment, all of that has created embodied mastery for me to share with you.
So get ready because [00:32:00] I have some announcements coming up. And especially if you're an actor, singer, or dancer in my world that has felt a little bit lost, that's felt a little unsure of where your career is heading, and maybe you've been in living scenarios or conditions that really don't match the life you wanna live, like I got you.
I know exactly how to walk you from point A to point B, and if you're ready to come on that journey with me, I'm ready to guide you. Because the maps have gotten clear. The processes have been embodied and the mastery that I'm ready to share with you is coming from firsthand experience. So that's what I got for you today.
Are you focused on the wine bottles? Are you focused on the vineyard? Are you connected to the full magnitude of who you are and the [00:33:00] possibility of what you desire? Because it only becomes inevitable if you're investing your time, energy, and belief into the possibility. We're not entitled to inevitability, but you can create it.
And if that's the kind of season you're in, you should definitely book a launch call with me. Like I said, stay tuned for more opportunities to get in on this work. But just know that I'm not going anywhere. I'm doubling down right here, right now, and I can't wait to take you along for the ride. All right. I love you. I'll meet you back here next week.
